What No One Says About Mother’s Day
The pressure, the grief, the guilt, and why it’s okay if this day brings up complicated feelings
Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, the world shifts into autopilot. Brunches are booked. Flowers are ordered. Cards are written. Everyone rushes to do the “right thing,” often without acknowledging how deeply complicated this holiday can feel. Beneath the surface of sentimental gifts and social media tributes, there is often a quiet ache. For many, this day brings not just celebration, but grief, resentment, longing, and emotional whiplash.
If you're a mother who wants to be celebrated but feels obligated to prioritize others:
Isn’t it strange how a day meant to honor you can so easily become about everyone else? You imagine a slow morning with your children, soaking up the life you’ve built. Instead, you’re juggling brunch plans for your own mother or mother-in-law, feeling the weight of unspoken expectations. And with that comes guilt, not because you don’t love them, but because you feel torn between honoring others and simply wanting the day to be about you.
Wishing this day could be yours isn’t selfish or wrong. You can love and honor the women who came before you and still feel exhausted by the effort it takes. If nothing else, carve out a small corner of the day for yourself and let it be meaningful.
If you’re the one responsible for making the day happen:
When no one makes the effort to make the day feel special for you, it can start to feel less like a celebration and more like another job to do. You try to stay cheerful, hold things together, and not ask for too much. You may feel like your partner, your kids, or your own inner critic are quietly judging you. Not just on what the day looks like, but on how well you manage it. How grateful you seem. How easy you are. How little you need.
It’s okay if you feel tired or let down. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re human and carrying more than anyone realizes.
If you're navigating infertility or pregnancy loss:
This day can feel particularly heavy. It may bring up the ache of what hasn’t happened yet, or what was lost too soon. The world around you seems to be celebrating something you’re still waiting for or mourning quietly.
It’s easy to feel invisible when your experience doesn’t fit the expected narrative. But your pain is real. Your grief is valid. If the day feels too hard, you don’t need to smile through it. You’re allowed to step back, create distance, or choose not to engage. Take care of yourself in whatever way feels right.
If you’re grieving the loss of your mother:
Grief can sit quietly in the background, then show up all at once. Even when you know it’s coming, it can still catch you off guard. The rest of the world feels loud, cheerful, and completely out of sync with what you're experiencing. You might be doing your best to stay present with your kids and appreciate the love around you, but the pain of missing your mom is all-encompassing.
There’s no need to pretend this kind of loss doesn’t still affect you on a visceral level. Try to find comfort in marking the day in a meaningful way—cook something she used to make, play her favorite song, or simply take a quiet moment to think of her. Holding both gratitude and grief is part of the process. It means your connection to her is still alive.
If you never had a safe or loving mother:
This day can stir resentment, confusion, or deep sadness. The world tells you to celebrate someone who may have caused you pain or failed to protect you. You may feel disconnected from the narrative entirely.
You don’t owe anyone a performance. If your relationship with your mother was painful or complicated, it’s okay to feel conflicted about this day. You get to decide what motherhood means to you now. That might look like setting boundaries, redefining family, or finding comfort in how you care for yourself.
Mother’s Day is not a one-size-fits-all experience. It holds celebration and sorrow. Joy and resentment. Closeness and loss. However, this day shows up for you, know that you are not alone. You do not have to conform to anyone else’s version of what this day should look like. You only have to embrace what it means to you.